Commentary: Part 20
“Myths and Truths About Incest
MYTH: “I need you to have sex with me because you mother won’t.” One popular myth is that men demand sex from their daughters because they are not “getting any” from their wives. Some men even go so far to say that “your mother would want you to do this because she wants me to be fulfilled, and she’s too ill/busy to meet my sexual needs.”
TRUTH: I fact, the clinical information we have is that men who molest their daughters usually continue to have sex with their wives. It goes without saying, of course, that regardless of whether they are “getting any” from their wives, they have no right to abuse their daughters!
MYTH: “It’s my job to teach you how to be a good lover.” Some girls are told that it’s their father’s job to teach them how to be a good lover.
TRUTH: Not only is it not the father’s job to teach his daughter to be a good lover, but in a healthy father-daughter relationship, a father will be very hesitant and a bit uncomfortable to go into any discussion of his adolescent daughter’s sexual relationships. There are usually appropriate boundaries around these issues.
MYTH: Girls seduce their fathers or “You’re so tempting (in those shorts, that dress), I have to have sex with you!”
TRUTH: Not only do girls not seduce their fathers, but they need their fathers to seem them as their “little girls.” This helps a girl develop trust in family boundaries, and thus in the world. When her father does not sexualize her, she feels more secure and less objectified. The last thing a girl desires is to seduce her father. This is a frightening distortion.
(found on pages 94 & 95)
I don’t really have anything to add to this section, just that I want victims of sexual abuse in the form of incest read this and gain further understanding about the things that were said to them about it as children.