// New from the Feminist Book Club: Foreword By Margaret Cho- The Sex (and other things) You Didn’t Want//

becauseiamawoman:

So, I thought I a great place to start out taking about the book was the Foreword by Margaret Cho (which you can read in full on Google Books if you haven’t picked up a copy of the book yet). There was one passage that really struck me:

“I said yes because I felt it was too much trouble to say no. I said yes because I didn’t want to have to defend my “no,” qualify it, justify it—deserve it. I said yes because I thought I was so ugly and fat that I should just take sex every time it was offered, because who knew when it would be offered again. I said yes because I believed what the kids at school told me—that the only way I could get laid was to be raped. I said yes to partners I never wanted in the first place, because to say no at any point after saying yes for so long would make our entire relationship a lie, so I had to keep saying yes in order to keep the “no” I felt a secret. This is such a messed up way to live, such an awful way to love” (3).

This really got me thinking about how consent (or lack of consent) has played a role in my own relationships and why I say yes or no. It also made me think about if I am actively seeking and giving consent- and not just when it comes to sex. Too often I consent to do things I do not want to do because I feel obligated to or I don’t know how to say no. Its about saying yes to work I didn’t want, dates I didn’t want, even drinks and food I didn’t want. Why do I do this? Why do we all do this? Marget Cho is right, that is no way to live. 

The question I pose to all of you is if this is also something you struggle with? How do we all go about recognizing this and dealing with it in our day-to-day life? 

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