If you’ve been a victim of rape or abuse of any kind, this is for you.
He’s amazing.
Holy crap. This is so inspirational.
(Source: youtube.com, via survivorsupport)
—
Now reading “Why Does He Do That” by Lundy Bancroft. A MUST read if you have ever had an abusive partner. This book is saving my life with it’s awesome insights.
I second that. Even if you don’t think you’ve ever had an abusive partner I think its still incredibly important to read this book. It can help you identify early warning signs within relationships and leaves you more equipped to support yourself, loved ones, or even acquaintances.
On top of that, it’s actually an interesting read. If you have the time/money I really, really recommend reading this book.
Great book.
mentorsinviolencepreventionucf:
Know the warning signs. Don’t wait until it’s too late.
This is very important. Please read this. Often women in abusive relationships do not have the means to escape, it isn’t their fault. Others can help be recognizing domestic violence and helping put a stop to it.
It’s never too late to seek help (if you are safely able to), or help someone else.
Note the gender-neutral language of the infographic. It doesn’t matter what gender you are, or what gender your partner is. You can still wind up in an abusive situation. And it’s always a good thing to know the patterns, to recognize the signs, and to be ready to escape the situation if you find yourself in this situation.
(via fattastic-and-finally-happy)
—mentorsinviolencepreventionucf:
Know the warning signs. Don’t wait until it’s too late.
This is very important. Please read this. Often women in abusive relationships do not have the means to escape, it isn’t their fault. Others can help be recognizing domestic violence and helping put a stop to it.
I will never not reblog this. You are strong enough to leave a relationship. Don’t ever forget that.
(general trigger warning)
(via survivorsupport)
—Abusers are really good at finding people who have already been groomed to view abuse as ‘normal’. So please don’t wonder how someone could have been abused more than once and say shit like abuse survivors should know better.
It’s not unheard of for survivors to go from abusive relationship to abusive relationship. Abuse has been so normalized for so many people that there is this deep rooted suspicion that all relationships are abusive. That everyone is faking it just like you’re faking it. That no one actually has non-toxic relationships. And that’s a type of coping mechanism right there, isn’t it?
Then there’s also the fact that survivors have complicated feelings towards their abusers. Sometimes we love our abusers. Sometimes we are dependent on our abusers and feel indebted. Sometimes we know it is abuse but we don’t know if anyone will take our side and help us. People would rather turn away then help us. Sometimes people would rather help cover up the abuse because it’s less messy.
Sometimes these messy feelings keep us from realizing we’re being abused, even if we know the cycle of abuse, even if we’ve tried to help friends in messy relationships. It can’t be abuse, we’re in love. It can’t be abuse, he takes care of us. It can’t be abuse because I can’t see myself as someone being abused. Etc, etc, etc.
(via fuckvictimblaming)
‘Why didn’t you stop him?’ This is a question that survivors of sexual abuse ask themselves all the time. But there are very good reasons why you didn’t stop him. You didn’t stop him because you lived under “his” roof; because you depended on him financially; because your abuser wove a web of fear and entrapment around you; because you were confused; because you were young and didn’t have good options or a strong support system in place. This book will help you work through these feelings of entrapment and fear to see that sexual abuse is never your fault, and that you did nothing to cause your own abuse.
‘Why didn’t you stop him?’ You didn’t stop him because we live in a culture where “boys will be boys” - a culture that, through its fairy tales, movies, and advertising persistently pushes the sexist belief that young girls are ready for sex when their bodies first develop; a culture that insinuates that these girls “really want” the older men who abuse them; a culture that still questions the victim’s role in the crime, whether it be a young girl raped by her uncle (“Was she being flirtatious?”), or a guy who rapes his date (“Was she leading him on? What was she wearing?”). We live in a culture in which a male-dominated government decides the laws about rape and incest, pornography, child and spousal abuse, and abortion – laws that directly impact women’s health and happiness.
Simply put, we live in a culture that does not honor women and children; where sexuality, especially female sexuality, is a commodity, something that is used to sell products or satisfy male desires; where women, and especially women of color, are depicted on music videos as little more than prostitutes. In this culture, men still sexually abuse at staggering rates.
TW: abuse
- You have inherent worth. You don’t have to do anything to prove it, just existing is enough.
- You deserve love, support and respect all the time. Not just when you did something particularly agreeable, not just when the person is in a good mood or physically and mentally well or is treated by others respectfully; you deserve to be treated well ALL THE TIME.
- You deserve to freely express your emotions and speak your own realities without fear of retaliation or shame.
- You deserve to be able to tell someone why you don’t like how they’re treating you and a) not fear retaliation, intimidation, violence or emotional manipulation because of it, and b) actually have that person listen, take it to heart, and then change their behavior accordingly.
- You deserve autonomy over yourself. You deserve to think, feel, say, wear, do, and associate with what or whomever you want without any outside pressure or control. [Clearly you aren’t free to infring on the rights of others or treat them oppressively, but pretty much everything else is up to you and your best judgement.]
- You deserve to put yourself first. You deserve to have your life be about you. Everyone else can come after.
- You deserve space when you need space.
- You deserve to reach out to whoever you want for support.
- Your emotions and experiences are valid.
- You are important.
- You deserve to defend yourself and fight tooth and nail to ensure that the above points are acknowledged and respected.
- You deserve to to have your body, identity, beliefs, history, heritage, community and individual struggles respected by default. You deserve to never have to defend, apologize for, or hide who and what you are, what your body looks like or what you believe in. [The exception is if any of that is oppressive to others. Whiteness as a construct and white supremacy are not cultures, they are bigotry, hatred and oppression and those things do not deserve respect.]
- You deserve complete control over who you associate with. You deserve to cut off communication with anyone if you feel that is the healthiest decision for you. You don’t need to justify that decision to anyone but yourself.
- You deserve complete control over what information you choose to disclose to others about your body, your history, and your identities. You can be out if you want, you can be closeted if you want. You don’t owe anyone anything and you’re allowed to withhold any and all information about yourself that you’re uncomfortable sharing or that may put you at risk or in danger. [The exception to this is if withholding information that could have a direct impact on others, for example, not telling a potential sexual partner about your STD status. If it doesn’t affect them, it isn’t any of their business and you deserve to keep it to yourself if you want without fear of retaliation, guilt or shame.]
- You are perfect exactly the way you are.
- You deserve to survive. No matter how many times you may have fucked up in the past, or how “worthless” this oppressive society may tell you you are, you have infinite value by default, you have the right to choose how to live your life, and you deserve to live and be happy.
(Source: theboyprincessdiaries, via rapeculturerealities)
[general trigger warning: abuse, sexual abuse]
The concept of “unconditional love” has been used against a lot of us. Abusers have used it as an excuse for their actions. Many survivors, myself included, have internalized this message of unquestioning love as the only kind of love that is okay, even when they aren’t okay. “They hurt me, but I still love them, because love is supposed to be unconditional”.
But love shouldn’t be self-destructive. Love shouldn’t erase a person’s right to not be hurt. Love shouldn’t remove a person’s ability to refuse consent. These are basic ideas that we should all believe in, but there are a lot of people out there who don’t. Fact is, their idea of unconditional love is really just, “you belong to me”.
When we say “unconditional love”, what we should be saying is “unconditional love, within reason”. There are some actions that go beyond reasonable love. Abuse is one of them.
Teen Dating Violence Part 2 ***Trigger Warning for depictions of physical/emotional/verbal violence and abuse**
—Public transit can be a terrifying place sometimes, especially when something awful is happening in front of a bus, train, or trolley full of people too busy trying to avoid making eye contact to leap into action. It’s a good thing, then, that five disabled homeless men didn’t have any such confrontational qualms about wrestling a convicted sex offender down after he allegedly assaulted a 15-year-old girl.
Modesto police say that Kevin Long, a convicted sex offender who’s been in and out of prison since 1995, attacked a 15-year-old girl on her way to school after making lewd gestures and generally being the kind of nightmarish person you hope never to meet on your daily commute. Things would have gotten pretty bad if Curtis Mitchell hadn’t been keeping a wary eye on Long. After Long allegedly asked the girl, “Have you had sex yet?” Mitchell says Long “lunged out of his seat and grabbed [the girl’s] crotch area.”
That’s when Mitchell and his four disabled, homeless friends (who, since it’s a small, small world after all, were staying at the same shelter as Long), wrestled Long down and held him down for three blocks until the bus could meet up with police. Mitchell, with charismatic humbleness, said, “I’m not no hero. I’m a regular person. I have kids, grown up now, but I would hope someone would help my kids if they needed it.” You know, because sometimes strangers on trains, buses, or trolleys can be terrifying.
Sexual Assault Center of East TN provides compassionate free services for victims & survivors of sexual violence. Advocacy, Therapy, Education, SANE. 865-522-7273
